(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
