respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
