I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
