What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
