Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
