The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
