Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
