There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
