you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
