You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
