Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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