First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
