am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
