She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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