That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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