i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
