So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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