There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
