How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
