so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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