I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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