I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
