sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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