She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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