I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
