My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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