so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
