Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How external is "for external use only"?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
