i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
