My first STD was from a foam party
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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