you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
