Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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