do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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