You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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