Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
