She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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