Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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