ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
