just tell him i said nine months
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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