dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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