How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's blow job season.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
