Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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