Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
