He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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