i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."