I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?