After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.