whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket