he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"