Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
