PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
