U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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