I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
