I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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