I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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