An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm having to shit out rocks
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
