Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My life is pants optional.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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