At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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