I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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