hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
