there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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