You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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