Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
