brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
