new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
