The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
