Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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