hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
