thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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