How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
