I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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